Risa's blog (all about work)

---

Actually, I first encountered the word “feminine” when I was still an undergraduate. When I started working on my thesis project, I proposed a topic, and my advisor told me, “Do you know that what you’re trying to do is something most Thai women don’t do? But it’s not a bad thing. Try looking up the word ‘feminine’ before you start your project.” At that time, I didn’t know what it meant. It was a new term to me, especially considering that 6-7 years ago, in a country with a patriarchal system, it was rare to see women as leaders in the workplace, family, or society. I had no idea what the term meant back then, especially in English, which made it even harder to understand.

I started to research and found that there were actually two terms people were using: “feminine” and “feminist.” I was very confused at the time and couldn’t grasp the difference between the two. As time passed and society changed, with Western culture becoming more accepted in Thailand, these terms became more widely used. However, I still didn’t quite understand them, so I never thought of myself as “feminine” or a “feminist.” When I looked at the definitions, there were aspects of both that resonated with me and parts that didn’t. Compared to activists who advocate for these rights, I felt like I was at the bottom of the line, so I never felt confident enough to claim that identity.

Then Elizabeth told me that it doesn’t have to fit the label others give. If we feel like we want to protect and advocate for women’s rights—not all women, but certain groups—then we can already consider ourselves “feminine.” This led me to start anew, researching more about the topic. Here is a summary of what I’ve gathered based on my understanding.

---

The term “feminine” generally refers to qualities, behaviors, attributes, or characteristics that are traditionally associated with women or girls. These associations are often shaped by cultural, social, and historical contexts and can vary significantly across different societies. Here’s a deeper look into what “feminine” might mean:

1. Cultural and Social Connotations

• Traits and Characteristics: In many cultures, qualities such as gentleness, empathy, nurturing, sensitivity, and compassion are often labeled as feminine. However, these traits are not exclusive to women; they can be present in anyone, regardless of gender.
• Appearance and Aesthetics: The concept of femininity can also extend to physical appearance, including styles of dress, grooming habits, and other aspects of presentation. For example, wearing dresses, applying makeup, or having long hair are often socially perceived as feminine expressions.
• Roles and Expectations: Traditional roles, such as caregiving, homemaking, or nurturing children, have historically been associated with femininity in many societies.

2. Biological Perspective

• From a biological standpoint, “feminine” can refer to the physical traits or characteristics typically associated with female bodies, such as the ability to bear children, breasts, and broader hips. However, it’s important to note that not all individuals who identify as feminine have these biological traits, and femininity is not inherently linked to biology.

3. Personal Identity and Expression

• Gender Identity: For many people, femininity is part of their gender identity. They may feel a deep personal connection to being feminine, which can be expressed in various ways, from the way they dress and present themselves to the ways they behave and interact with others.
• Gender Expression: Feminine expression isn’t limited to women; people of any gender may express themselves in ways that are considered feminine. This can be a deliberate and empowering choice, challenging traditional norms and redefining what it means to be feminine.

4. Intersection with Feminism and Gender Studies

• Challenging Stereotypes: Many modern discussions around femininity involve questioning and challenging traditional stereotypes. Feminism and gender studies explore how these stereotypes can be restrictive and how individuals can redefine what it means to be feminine on their own terms.
• Fluidity of Femininity: Contemporary views on gender and identity often see femininity as fluid, a spectrum rather than a fixed point. It can be redefined and personalized by each individual, free from societal constraints.

5. Cultural Variability

• The traits and behaviors considered feminine can vary widely between cultures and change over time. What one society considers feminine may not hold the same meaning in another, and norms around femininity have evolved significantly in many parts of the world.

In summary, “feminine” is a multi-dimensional concept that encompasses a range of characteristics, expressions, and identities. It’s a term that is both culturally and personally defined, and its meaning can vary based on context, perspective, and individual experience.

I came across a TED Talk on this topic. I’m someone who struggles with reading, so I prefer listening instead. The TED Talk is titled “We Should All Be Feminists” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

---

After I started working at the massage parlor, Zuleika told me that she wanted me to keep her updated about my work and my safety. I understand that this is something people might worry about because of the image of massage parlors being associated with places that offer sexual services. It’s natural for outsiders to be concerned, including the owner, my colleagues, and even the customers. Anyone could potentially have bad intentions toward me. However, I don’t feel afraid at all, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I’m not afraid of using languages—whether it’s Thai with people at the parlor or English with customers. I think that as long as I can communicate with others, there isn’t much to worry about. That doesn’t mean I’m not cautious, though.

When I started working there, I just think of it as another job. Every job has its own risks; it depends on how careful we are. Nonetheless, I kept updating Zuleika and Elizabeth regularly about my work, partly because it relates to my project. There was one point that both of them brought up that made me think about women’s rights and the status of women in different societies. Elizabeth asked me if I was “feminine.” My answer was no because I don’t really understand the difference between being “feminine” and a “feminist.” So, how could I identify as one or the other? But then she asked me a few questions and told me, “You are feminine. Why not try to do something about this?” This made me reflect on the topic a little.

When I had the chance to update Zuleika, she raised another point related to being “feminine.” She talked about how men from Arab countries treat women differently because of cultural and religious differences, leading them to treat all women as they do in their home countries. I had some awareness of this before working here, from reading books, watching the news, and movies, but I didn’t think I would have to experience it myself. It made me feel slightly irritated to be treated that way, but I also understood the cultural differences. This is another reason I feel that my project topic is becoming even more challenging. However, I also found a new and interesting angle—if I could connect my topic more to women’s rights, it might help address these issues.

---

---

On Sunday, June 2, 2024, I conducted an unplanned intervention. Since I started working at the massage parlor, I’ve seen more clearly the problem I had researched before: that female masseuses are often targets of harassment by customers. But what about male masseuses? At the parlor where I work, there is one male masseuse who is very skilled—he even teaches others how to massage. He has a few regular customers, but significantly fewer than the other masseuses. Some days, he only gets two customers. Whenever a new customer arrives and I ask, “Are you okay with having a male masseuse?” every customer immediately declines, whether they are female or male. I can somewhat understand that women might feel uncomfortable being touched by a man, but I can’t help but question why it’s okay for women to touch men. Or perhaps it’s because this type of service is stereotypically seen as a woman’s job, making it normal for the opposite gender interaction (women touching men) to be accepted because it’s what everyone sees as normal.

Later that day, there was a rush of customers in the evening, possibly because the good weather had everyone out walking in the park, leaving them sore and tired. One of these customers was a man who called to book an appointment for 9:30 PM. According to the parlor’s policy, any massage after 9:30 PM requires an additional overtime fee for the masseuse, on top of the regular service charge. He called to book a one-hour massage. I explained the parlor’s policy to him, and he agreed. I then informed him that the only available masseuse at that time was male, and at first, he wasn’t okay with it. He asked if there was anyone else because he really wanted a massage but preferred a female masseuse. When I confirmed that only the male masseuse was available and told him it was fine if he didn’t want to proceed, he eventually agreed, possibly due to his strong desire for a massage. (Scheduling decisions are based on the available slots for that day, and in this case, all the other masseuses had already been informed but wanted to go home.)

Initially, based on his demeanor, I could tell that he was somewhat displeased about having a male masseuse. But after the massage, his attitude changed. He even booked an appointment for the following week with the same male masseuse, thanking me (though not very wholeheartedly) for recommending him because he was able to address his problem effectively.

From this experience, I drew a few conclusions:

1. Stereotype of service jobs: This type of service is typically associated with women. If a man provides the service, customers will immediately reject it. However, once they open their minds, customers who seek a massage to relieve symptoms will ultimately choose a skilled masseuse who can help them, like this male masseuse. There are 2-3 female customers who I’ve recommended to try a massage with Chao, and they’ve been consistently coming back to him.
2. Female customers are more open-minded: Female customers tend to be more open to trying a massage with a male masseuse than male customers. As I mentioned, I try to encourage all customers, regardless of gender, to give the male masseuse a chance. Of those who agree to try, 2 out of 3 are female customers.
3. Arab male customers’ attitude: Arab male customers tend to speak to female staff differently than they do to male staff. In this case, the customer was a 29-year-old man from Dubai. The way he spoke to me initially made it clear that he was displeased and didn’t respect me simply because I am a woman. Even though he eventually agreed with my recommendation, he still didn’t fully acknowledge that what I suggested was genuinely good.

Feedback: In the end, once the male customer saw the skill of the male masseuse, he decided to return for more services. The gender barrier diminished, and he became more open to receiving services from a male in this industry. He overcame the gender issue and prioritized ability over gender. It was clear that he was quite satisfied, to the point where he booked another appointment with the same masseuse.

---

---

There was another incident that was somewhat similar, but it didn’t happen to me directly—it occurred on a day when I was working. A 30-year-old Arab man came to the parlor; he had called to book an appointment one hour in advance. He didn’t look me up and down; he was quite friendly, engaging in normal conversation, and shared that he liked Thai massage and had tried several massage parlors across London. However, what puzzled me a little was when he mentioned that his ex-girlfriend was Thai, even though I hadn’t asked. I just smiled in response and didn’t engage further.

The man said he had shoulder pain and wanted a massage that focused on his shoulders. When the masseuse came to get the client, I informed her about the customer’s specific request to help address his problem. (Sometimes, the receptionist needs to relay these details to the masseuse to prevent any miscommunication, as some masseuses may not be fluent in English. This is another reason why receptionists must be able to communicate in both Thai and English.)

After the massage, I happened to meet the masseuse who had worked on him in the kitchen. This masseuse is a Thai woman married to an Englishman and has lived in the UK for about 20 years. She told me that the man had other intentions for the massage, but he just didn’t express them outright. I asked how she knew, and she said that her work experience made it clear to her that the man had bad intentions. Initially, he requested a neck-shoulder-back massage, but when he was in the room, he refused to lie face down (typically, a massage begins with the client lying face down so the masseuse can work on the back, then turning over to massage the legs and arms). Instead, he lay on his back and asked the masseuse to focus on the inner thigh area close to his genitals. That’s when she realized what he was really after because she had encountered many customers like him before.

She also shared another story about a regular customer who always requests the same masseuse at the parlor. (At our parlor, if a customer requests a specific masseuse from a previous session, that masseuse receives additional pay on top of their daily earnings. Masseuses don’t receive a fixed salary; their pay depends on the number of clients they serve each day.) She told me that if this particular customer asks for her, I should say that she’s not available because this older male customer often harasses masseuses, though not directly. He pretends that he can’t get up on his own, so the masseuse has to help him up, only for him to pull her onto the bed to hug her. Or, while getting massaged, he’ll touch her “accidentally” and claim it wasn’t intentional.

I asked why nothing could be done about it. Both the masseuse and another receptionist told me that there’s no proof because the customer always says it wasn’t intentional, and there are no cameras in the massage rooms to provide evidence. All the parlor can do is flag this customer’s name with an asterisk in the system so that receptionists know. Then, they inform the masseuse on duty, and if someone feels they can handle it, they’ll proceed with the massage for that customer.

---

The massage parlor where I worked was one of the first Thai massage parlors to open in London. The location is just a short walk from Harrods, in the next alley. The parlor is not on the main street but on the second floor of a building, so you have to look carefully for the sign to spot it. Like many businesses in London that don’t have a storefront, you need to ring the bell for the staff to open the door. Working as a receptionist at a massage parlor is generally uneventful on weekdays. The main duties of a receptionist each day include cleaning the shop to keep it presentable, answering the phone to book massage appointments for customers, managing daily accounts, and overseeing the shop’s overall condition. This also includes handling any incidents that may arise, where the receptionist must take charge of the situation.

One day, I experienced an incident while on duty as the receptionist. Two men, tourists from Dubai—one around 50 years old and the other about 30, and they were relatives (I knew this because before receiving a massage, customers must fill out a form with their contact information and country of origin)—walked in as walk-in customers. The shop had availability, but not at the same time, so they had to take turns for their massages. They each booked a 30-minute massage, and the shop only offers two types of massages in this timeframe: either a neck-shoulder-back massage or a foot massage, which the customers were aware of.

However, I immediately felt uncomfortable as these two men appeared to be harassing me from the moment they entered the shop. They looked me up and down and one of them pointed at me, saying, “I want you to massage me!” Fortunately, the owner was present that day and immediately responded, saying, “That’s not possible. It’s my girls. You don’t have the right to choose your masseuse. We will select a masseuse for you.” But they didn’t give up and continued to ask why I couldn’t be the one to give the massage. The owner gave a final response that impressed me: “She’s not here to give massages. Her job is to work here at the front desk. If you want a massage, we will assign a masseuse to you, but if you want to choose a woman, you can go to another shop.” Eventually, the man relented. After they both went into the massage rooms, the owner told me that if anyone ever comes in and makes us feel uncomfortable or asks about sexual services, I can tell them to go elsewhere for their services.

Our shop, like others I’ve seen, has signs posted stating that no sexual services are offered. However, what’s unique about our shop is that the signs are not only in English but also in Arabic, due to the high number of tourists from Arab countries in the area. The incident that occurred that day was the first time I encountered something like this, but I’ve experienced similar situations with other customers from Arab countries. These include having money thrown at me when they paid for the massage, being looked up and down with strange stares, requests to choose the masseuse, and questions about my personal life, such as marriage and age.

When I was a bit lost on how to truly understand the issues and find solutions from the perspective of those who work in this profession, I thought about what I could do. Personally, becoming a masseuse myself wasn’t an option: 1) I didn’t have the necessary knowledge, and 2) physically, it wouldn’t be feasible for me. Then I came across a job advertisement for a receptionist position at a Thai massage parlor in London. I decided to apply, thinking it might give me an opportunity to gain insight. On the application form, there was a section that surprised me, possibly because it’s not something commonly seen in Thailand—it was a section asking about sexual orientation.

When I had my first tutorial with Elizabeth, I told her that I had applied for a receptionist job at a Thai massage parlor. She thought it was an interesting and unconventional way to gather information. She didn’t discourage me from doing it but advised me to consult with Zuleika first for my own safety. I followed her advice and spoke with Zuleika, who expressed concern that gathering information as a receptionist might not yield the most relevant insights for my project. She thought I would be trained as a receptionist and might not get the chance to learn things that are directly related to my project.

However, I didn’t fully agree with her because, before speaking with Zuleika, I had already attended one training session for the job. Some parts of what she said were true, such as the basic tasks a receptionist would perform, which wouldn’t be related to massage work or the core information for my project. For example, basic cleaning, scheduling appointments, answering emails, and managing files. But I also saw opportunities to gather valuable information, such as answering phone calls from customers, greeting and speaking with customers, and observing their interactions. I explained this to her, and she agreed to let me work there to gather information that could support my project.

After Project 5, I tried an intervention that I called “Intervention 0.5” because it was like checking my understanding with my classmates to see if what I thought matched what they thought. As expected, everyone chose the image on the right, which was of a woman dressed modestly with hands clasped in a traditional Thai greeting, symbolizing Thai hospitality. However, what caught my interest and surprised me was that two of my classmates, who are American—one a 27-year-old woman and the other a 25-year-old man—both chose the image on the right. I asked them why they chose that image, and both of them gave similar answers. They said that in America, massages aren’t associated with any specific nationality; it’s just seen as a form of relaxation. The image on the right didn’t make them feel it was suggestive or sexual in any way; it just looked like a typical advertisement they would see in America.

These are the comments I received from the intervention.

My question from Project Five: What-Why-How-What If is
“How can the misconception of the Thai masseuse change?”

When it comes to discussing stakeholders in this topic, I was initially quite confused about who to choose as my stakeholders. This question could apply to the profession itself, female masseuses, or even Thai women as a whole. In the end, I concluded that if I chose too broad of a focus, it would be difficult for me. So, I decided that my stakeholders would be the massage profession as a whole. This is about addressing the overall image of this profession, including how people perceive masseuses, how customers treat them, the services provided, and even the image of the massage parlors themselves. However, this is still challenging for me because I see myself as an outsider. I’m not part of this profession, and although I have knowledge and experience as a customer, I still feel it’s not enough to fully grasp this topic. That’s why my next step is to experiment and engage more to understand the issues from an insider’s perspective.

---

After gathering information by talking to people around me, reading the news, and other sources, I decided to visit the area to get a clearer picture, understand the issues, and listen to the solutions that some massage parlors might be using. I got a recommendation for a massage parlor from one of the people I interviewed, which was located in London near Holborn Tube station. Initially, I didn’t plan to go there to gather information; I went as a customer because I had back pain.

The massage process at this place was quite similar to what I was used to in Thailand, so I was familiar with the procedures. For those who may not be familiar with the process, I’ll briefly explain. First, you have to choose the type of massage you want. The masseuse will ask you about your symptoms and check if you are pregnant or have any other conditions that might cause harm. After that, they will take you to a room, where the masseuse will ask you to change into appropriate clothing. If you choose an oil massage, you will be required to remove all your clothes and lie on the bed under a blanket. This is something I’m quite used to because I grew up with Thai massage. However, when I shared this with my foreign friends who had never experienced a massage, they were somewhat surprised, which made me realize that this isn’t something everyone is accustomed to.

While I was changing clothes, I noticed a sign on the wall. At first, I didn’t think much of it because in Thailand, there are usually signs reminding you to check your belongings before leaving the room. But this sign was different—it informed customers that the parlor does not offer sexual services. This was something that surprised me quite a bit.

---

During the massage, I didn’t engage in much conversation with the masseuse, just the usual small talk as I’ve done before. However, perhaps because I’m Thai, the conversation between me and the masseuse became more open. She told me that she got this job because she graduated from university in a related field, which allowed the parlor to sponsor her visa and employ her legally. She had been in the UK for less than six months and wasn’t yet fluent enough in English to communicate smoothly with customers, even though she had to take the IELTS exam as part of her visa application process.

After the massage, I asked her if the sign was posted everywhere. She replied that it was present in most of the massage rooms because customers sometimes inquire about additional services. She herself had been asked about it, though not frequently, and she hadn’t experienced any harassment from guests. As I walked out, I noticed that similar signs were posted in almost every part of the parlor, including at the reception desk.

I had the opportunity to talk with the receptionist and asked why they needed to put up such signs. The receptionist told me that many customers, mostly Westerners or Indians, often ask about these services. On average, the parlor receives about 4-5 phone calls per day asking this question, so they put up the signs to reduce the need for staff to repeatedly answer it. Even though the majority of their regular customers are Chinese, either students or residents in London, due to the location being close to Chinatown, customers have shared with the staff that most parlors in Chinatown don’t accept female customers. Even if a woman comes with a male partner, they still won’t be accepted, which is why this customer group prefers to come here.

---

“If you think of things on “Black and white” or “Yes and No”
You will missed out the grey areas”

---

One day, when I was in class, I heard a sentence that made me more certain about my decision to continue with this project. Initially, when I started the “What-why-how-what if” project, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see it through. I chose it mainly because I had gathered so much information from the EPP project, and I felt it would be a waste not to use it. So, I decided to go ahead with it. But as I started gathering more information and seeing different perspectives, I began to feel a mix of emotions—confusion, and a lack of understanding about why people make certain choices. I also felt that I might not be the right person to speak on this topic, and I was afraid I might not be able to present it in a balanced and unbiased way.

However, in the end, the sentence about the “grey area” changed my mind and convinced me to continue with the project. Because ultimately, in any profession or path one chooses, there are no clear-cut black and white answers. In life, we all struggle to get through the darkest times. No matter how much white we add, it may never be as pure as white, but rather a grey that gradually brightens. This is similar to the project I’m working on. I don’t aim to make it perfect, but I just want to do the best I can.